It was at an office party at the company Sophie* worked for part-time during the school year that she had her brush with sexual harassment. A new partner at the company insisted on sitting next to the then 17-year-old at dinner. She could tell that he’d been drinking and she felt a bit uncomfortable, but she didn’t want to move seats and risk seeming rude. But then the man started telling dirty jokes. “I laughed at them to be polite, but it seemed weird,” she recalls. Suddenly things took a twilight-zonish twist when the guy suggestively asked Sophie what she and her boyfriend would be “getting up to” after the party and eventually made a comment so gross it can’t be printed on the pages of this magazine. Horrified and disgusted, Sophie knew it was time to leave. “I quickly excused myself and headed for the bathroom,” says Sophie. “I guess I must have looked flustered because my supervisor followed me to see if I was alright.” Sophie told her supervisor the deal and her supervisor in turn gave the owners of the company the 411. The following week, Sophie received an apology. “I was glad it was taken care of quickly, but it was really embarrassing to have him apologize to me. After that I just totally avoided him at work,” she says. Sophie experienced one version of sexual harassment. But sexual harassment comes in many forms and often isn’t ended so quickly. Here’s your 411: Know Your Boundaries
Sexual harassment can be a tricky thing to figure out—sometimes it’s very subtle and sometimes it’s really blatant. So how do you know if you’re being harassed? Here’s the deal: chances are that if something someone says or does to you gives you the creeps it’s probably inappropriate. A common reaction to sexual harassment is to laugh it off or try to ignore it in the hopes it won’t happen again, especially if it’s coming from an older coworker or boss. But according to Lori Yetman, sexual harassment advisor at Memorial University of Newfoundland, it’s important to know that ignoring harassment doesn’t make it go away. “Unfortunately, harassers generally interpret a lack of response as an indicator of acceptance or consent for the offending behaviours,” she says. In addition, if you’re being harassed you might feel like you’re to blame: “Maybe I shouldn’t have worn a skirt today” or “Maybe I shouldn’t have been so friendly to him.” But guilt is not an emotion you should buy into. No one deserves to be sexually harassed. The harasser often knows what they’re doing and they may even assume that someone young won’t do anything about it. But you have a right to do something. The Canada Labour Code states that every employee has a right to a workplace that’s free of sexual harassment.
Tips for Takin’ Action
1. If you feel too intimidated or you’re dealing with a special situation (maybe the owner of the small company you’re working for is being creepy) tell your parents, a teacher, a counselor or any adult that you trust.
2. Make an effort to put pen to paper and keep a record of what went down and when. “If you’re feeling uncomfortable about someone’s behaviour,” Yetman says, “make a note of it—write down the date and exactly what occurred.” She also adds that if there was a witness to the inappropriate behaviour, you should note that too. If you need to file a formal complaint later it’s good ammo.
3. If it’s a coworker who’s stepping out of line, confront them immediately about the behaviour. Tell him that his comments or touches are unwelcome and tell him to stop. Setting clear boundaries in a forceful yet polite tone will show people how you expect to be treated and what’s acceptable to you.
4. If confronting a harassing coworker doesn’t work for you, approach your supervisor immediately and let him or her take care of the situation. And what if it’s your boss that’s the culprit? Well, your boss may seem like a big shot, but you do have the power here. Your company most likely has a sexual harassment policy or a human resources department. If that’s the case, go see HR—even your boss has a boss, and you can bet that he or she will want to know that they have a creep on their hands.
Picking Up the Pieces
Let’s go back to Sophie’s story. Even though she’d done nothing wrong and the harassment was quickly stopped, she was the one who felt embarrassed and felt the need to avoid her harasser. You might be thinking, what gives? “Some victims have felt forced to leave their jobs, drop out of school, take demotions—anything to avoid the harassment,” Yetman says. And, according to Yetman, sexual harassment can literally make a girl sick.
“It creates headaches, insomnia, nausea, high blood-pressure, depression, low self-esteem, and causes or worsens stress-related illnesses,” she says. Teens who are being harassed may feel degraded, humiliated and hurt. So if you or someone you know is being harassed, don’t wait to get help. See a school counselor, tell your parents, contact your province’s human rights commission or call the Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) if you want confidential advice. And remember, you may think this is the only job you’ll ever have, but it’s not. The safe, comfortable work environment you deserve is out there. No one ever has a right to make you feel uncomfortable at work. Remember, they’re paying you to be there, not the other way around.
Sit Up and Recognize!
Sexual harassment can take many forms, including:
• Unwanted physical contact like touching and grabbing
• Rude jokes or suggestive remarks
• Leering or inappropriate staring
• Cat calls, embarrassing whistles or similar sounds
• Insulting remarks about sexual orientation
• Names written on walls or desks (“For a good time, call …”)
• Displays of sexually offensive pictures, pornography or graffiti
• Using the word “girl” or “woman” as a put-down (for example, “you run like a girl”)
• Rude remarks about clothing
• Repeatedly asking for dates
• Calling someone sexy, babe, sweetie, etc.
More Help Here!
Books:
Back off! How to Confront and Stop Sexual Harassment and Sexual Harassers
by Martha J. Langelan is a must-read.
Videos:
Sexual Harassment in Schools: Flirting or Hurting? www.wgby.org/edu/flirt/fhmain.html
Websites:
• Alberta Human Rights and Citizenship Commission www.albertahumanrights.ab.ca
• Canadian Human Rights Commission www.chrc-ccdp.ca/
• Canadian Human Rights Tribunal www.chrt-tcdp.gc.ca
• Canadian Race Relations Foundation www.crr.ca/rt
• The Criminal Code of Canada laws.justice.gc.ca/en/C-46
• Newfoundland Human Rights Commission www.gov.nf.ca/hrc/Default.htm
• Protecting Students from Harassment and Hate Crime: A Guide for Schools
